Psychosis Syndrome

First of all, I am sick to fucking death of Twilight. Everyone falls into one of two camps: screaming, whining, immature Edward lovers who think that Twilight is the veritable pinnacle of all that is good in the world, and screaming, whining, immature haters who think that it’s the worst thing to happen to literature/movies since anything.

Fuck you both.

Also, to clarify, I am reviewing both the book and movie here. I am aware that they are very separate entities. I hope you are aware that I don’t give a shit.

So, let’s start with the story. It’s a typical teenage romance. Girl meets boy, they fall in love, blah blah blah random challenge, they overcome it and their love is stronger. She spices it up by making one of the protagonists a vampire (though her interpretation on vampires is fairly loose), but it’s in no way original.

The characters are all fairly two dimensional, and the events offer nothing in the way of excitement, tension, or really any form of emotional response.

That’s it. It’s so mediocre that I can’t muster up anything more than that.

The movie is a fairly decent interpretation, the actors all play their parts well, but not perfectly. Does it change anything? Not really.

So, let’s look at the two sides.

Those who love it love it because regardless of their limited personalities, the characters are all very endearing. The book is easy to read (read: simple) and for the most part, enjoyable. The story, whilst rather lacking, is really just a vehicle for the characters to interact in various ways, and to be exposed to the audience. Basically, it’s a fun, teenage romance about vampires.

Those who hate it target the poor writing, story, character development, lack of realism, and basically anything they can sink their teeth into (no pun intended). They criticise the relationship between Edward and Bella as being very sexist, Edward as being controlling, Bella as being submissive, and the way the relationship forms over a very short period of time. They complain about the way that most of the book is dedicated to describing Edward in basically every even vaguely positive description available.

So basically, they’re both right. Yes, those problems all exist. But they can’t ruin the book unless you let them. No, it’s not a literary masterpiece, but it never claims to be. It’s a story that someone decided to write down and publish, and became popular. If you go into the book with a positive attitude, I almost guarantee you’ll enjoy it. There’s also a very good chance that you will find Edward every bit as irresistible as everyone else. If you go into it expecting crap, crap is what you’ll get. And it’ll be your own fault.

So, fuck you to both parties.

Go fuck yourself, anyone who dedicate any amount of time to pointing out all the flaws that everyone already knows. Go burn your eyes out and replace them with hot coals, all you screaming fuckwits who dedicate yourselves to a FUCKING FICTIONAL CHARACTER. Go throw up your own intestines, anyone who thinks Twilight is one of the greatest literary pieces of our day. Go lather yourself in honey and feed yourself to fire ants, anyone who thinks that it’s one of the worst.

In fact, basically anyone can go fuck themselves. I’m sick of Twilight.